maybe the best way to integrate into florence life is...not to... - the florence newspaper

Maybe the Best Way to Integrate into Florence Life is...Not To...

by Loren Taylor

After about one year in Florence, I find myself happily inside concentric circles of English-speaking and Italian friends. I use the word ''concentric'' because these circles overlap in two ways: one, because some of the friends inside one circle know friends from another, and two, because the English-speaking circles contains some Italians, and the Italian circles often have a English-speaker or two among them.

Among all these circles, the issue of how best to integrate into Florence life is a frequent topic of conversation. I eagerly follow these discussions, and attempt to use tips and advice received as best I can. However, a recent experience has lead me to re-examine both my methods & motivations for obtaining this feeling of Being At Home.

I was privileged to be a part of a recent visit to Florence by Italian-born collage artist Valentino Monticello, organized to give exposure to both his art and person. I learned that he left his home in northern Italy as a young man, and built a successful 50-year career as a sommelier (wine steward) in some of London's top restaurants. He was accompanied by his daughter Claudia, who was born-and-raised in the U.K., and currently shuttles between London and Italy for her work as a real-estate agent.

During a lunch conversation, Claudia told me why after 50 years living in the U.K., her father still spoke hauntingly slow English with an Italian accent.

''He never really learned English,'' she said, ''well, not like someone living there for 50 years. He spent most of his time around other Italians.''

I was prompted to ask Monticello if he ever considered moving back to Italy. He smiled. ''I live...up there,'' he said, gently waving his fingers above his forehead. ''I am comfortable wherever I am.''

Upon hearing this, I swooned and fell immediately into a serious I-Like-This-Man mode. I've always felt I was from ''up there''. I was always a bit out-of-place in my hometown of Chicago, and snort at any suggestion that I should miss it. Since living in Europe, I haven't found a way to transcend being the permanent outsider. Here was a man who has made a virtue and a successful life from both predicaments. And Monticello got me to thinking:

Maybe the best way to integrate into a new environment is...not to.

Let me qualify that a bit. Integrating foreigners into the Italian way-of-life seems to be a top priority for both the newcomers and the locals. But maybe we're all just trying a bit too hard.

So using the Italian artist from London as my model, and my experience living and traveling in practically every country in Western Europe, I've constructed a few points on how to feel ''at home'' here in Florence:

- Oh, all right, I'll learn the language...
It's not as easy as you'd think, at least not for me. Learning a second language was not a priority for people in my environment. Chicago has the largest population of Mexican-Americans outside California and Texas, yet my high-school didn't offer Spanish as a foreign language. Unlike friends with European parents & grandparents, my exposure to non-English languages is limited.

At least people in Florence are more patient than other places I've been. My attempts to learn other languages usually sent native-speakers rolling on the floor with laughter. Here, I can mix my English conversations with the occasional Italian phrase and not get teased. And, yes, I will take some Italian lessons. Right after I buy a new laptop, some cool running shoes, a couple of pairs of jeans...

- If the locals don't seem open, don't take it personally...
Florence has been here for centuries. You just got here. After only a year, I'm already weary of seeing people coming-and-going (read my friend Natalie Trusso's excellent blog-post on this topic). Now I understand why the locals wait to see if you'll stick around before investing time into getting to know you.

Unfortunately for me, this includes the prospect of finding an Italian woman as girlfriend or partner. Italian women are far less likely than Italian men to mate with a foreigner; statistics back this up. You can moan about the influence of the Catholic Church, or rail against old-fashioned values, but it's like that. Fellas, just get over it. On the other hand, I'm hearing more and more non-Italian women say that they're tired of Italian men- you probably have a better chance with that Swedish piano teacher than you will with the Italian waitress serving her coffee.

- Take ''this-is-how-we-do-it-here'' with a grain of salt...
People in Florence love to tell you how special the place is, and how ''things here work differently''. In large part they're right. But I'm always amused at how many of them really don't have much experience in other countries (outside of being a tourist), so don't have much to judge by.

My travels have taught me that people are surprising similar wherever you go. For example:

Regardless of the type of their enterprise, businessmen make most of their decisions based on money considerations. Gaining access to resources is easier if you ''know people''. Most women prefer not to sleep with you on the first date. Landlords want their rents paid on time. Bureaucracies are slow. Old women appreciate when you give them your bus seat. The average person generally doesn't trust politicians. Parents want the best for their kids. And so on. These things appear to be just as true anywhere else I've been as they are here in Florence.

I no longer automatically take any one person's word for ''the way thing are'', and instead wait until I've gathered a variety of opinions and observations before making my own decisions. In that same vein:

- I have a right to decide what I will and won't adjust to...
As much as I want to be a part of All This, I'm not born here, so some things I will probably never adjust to. I show up on time for my appointments, and make a point to show appreciation for others that do likewise. I will drink cappuccino in the afternoon, regardless of the custom. I don't take phone calls when having dinner with friends. And I don't feel guilty or uncomfortable about being different.

The point is: I don't bitch about what I don't like (well, I try not to), and don't try to impose my differences on others. Again, I just got here. If I'm doing something the locals can learn from, they'll let me know.

I could go on, but suffice to say that it's probably more comfortable to find a niche than it would be to worry about being accepted. Valentino Monticello found his niche in London and built a life on it. Being accepted into the Florence mainstream will happen one day. Or it won't. Either way, I think I'll find my concentric circles of people growing larger & warmer.

Loren Taylor is a musician from Chicago who has spent the majority of his adult life in Europe, and plans to stick around Florence for quite some time. And he's interested to hear your stories on finding a home in Florence- you can e-mail him at: ltgbone@hotmail.com.